How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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