Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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