I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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