yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
