Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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