hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
