No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
