dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
