the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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