i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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