the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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