The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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