i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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