Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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