It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
