no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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