We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
