she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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