Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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