Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You took a bar mat shot.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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