who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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