eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize