matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
