I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
