I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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