so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
