could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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