Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
