You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
