And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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