All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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