I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize