Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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