He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
