oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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