i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
