she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
