When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
