you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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