she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
