Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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