It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My liver just had a heart attack.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
