Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
