He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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