oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
