Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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