If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
