chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
