I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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