happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
