My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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