Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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