He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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