Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
