So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
