The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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