New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
