So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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