Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
