Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
