She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
please come you make the beer taste better
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
