think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
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He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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