Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
