They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
