my phone needs a breathalizer
I think I am morally bankrupt
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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