she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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