u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
