I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
