K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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