We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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