How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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