On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
