what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Even my vagina gasped.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
