Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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