Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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