My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My feet surprised me
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