just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
