She is in my trunk
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
