I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
