I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
