First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
