she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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